When Did The Sadness Start?
I try to think back when i started feeling depressed. This wasn’t just something that developed in my adulthood, no when i think about how often i was sad and down i have to going back further and further in my memories.
There were several things that contributed to it when it first started. One of which my cat died. He meant a lot to me, his name was Max-a-million-spots. He was a black and white spotted cat. We had a neighborhood dog problem, or i should say a neighbor problem with their dogs. Some of our neighbors owned several large dogs ranging from german shepherds to pitbulls.
Back in the 80’s there wasn’t strict laws on letting your dogs run free. Many many many many times i would either get off the bus from school or be playing outside and packs of dogs would chase me down. Thankfully my cat, yes my cat was a literal tornado of claws and came to my rescue. He would literally tear those dogs to shreds. He was my buddy and i loved him so much.
Then one day my dad decides to have me go walk with him down the road. we get to the end of the road and there in a plastic bag is my cat dead with a giant hole through his head. Apparently the neighbor (the one that owned the dogs that always tried to attack me) shot him through the head.
That was pretty heartbreaking for me. Since then i had gotten attacked a couple more times had my clothes ripped and tossed my belongings to get away. Another time i had climbed a barbwire fence and was stranded there until an older lady passing by stopped her car and helped me escape the dogs. She even drove me home.
I really dislike dogs, i’ve been attacked by them several times since then growing up, usually loose dogs in neighborhoods i’ve lived in.
The other things about my early childhood that brought on my depression is not being allowed to celebrate any holiday, even my own birthday. One of the memories that pops up the most is when on christmas a firetruck with santa clause on it came down our street and all the kids in the neighborhood went outside to get candy and some other various niknaks except me.
I was not allowed to celebrate Christmas, i didn’t actually see my first actual christmas until i was 13, i didn’t get to have my first birthday party until i was 13… and that was only because i finally got away from that bullshit cult.
Yea i think my depression started way back when i was a young kid.. and it just got worse and worse over time. my sadness turned into anger, and my anger turned into rage.