I can’t say my life was all bad, it certainly had it’s good points. Many of those good points are hard to remember though.

I remember spending a lot of my time laying on a rock on the front yard staring up into the sky wondering about things. Primarily Religion, Spirituality, things i was taught but was too scared to question.

Amazingly that rock is still there to this day. Sometimes i wish i could just by it and take it home, it was very therapeutic for me, helped me through a lot of the physical and mental abuse i was going through at the time.

My Parents, or i should say primarily my Father was a strict Jehovah’s Witness. That being said our family lived by a strict “cultist code” of the JWs. Meaning no Birthdays, Christmas, Halloweed… pretty much no anything. Other people who were not Jehovah’s Witness were deemed “Worldly” and i was not supposed to associate with them.

Thankfully due to my Mom’s efforts of fighting against my father i was at least allowed to play with the neighborhood kids. (omitting names to protect identities)  I met two sisters across the street S and R as well as S.H. who lived at the end of the road we were on.

Things we going ok i suppose, i went to school, i had friends..

And then my parent’s needed a babysitter…

It really seems like when i think back my life didn’t start steering down a horrible spiral until i started going to my babysitter’s house.

Now granted my babysitter’s demeanor and personality was for the most part fine, she wasn’t Vicky from fairly oddparents or anything. No the issue was something much much darker..

I am going to omit the name of my babysitter simply because far too much time has gone by and this is not something i want to pursue legally, i am a pretty forgiving person and i am sure she had her own problems to deal with which may have attributed to her actions.

At this point in my life was about 6 or 7, for the life of me i cannot remember anything before age 5. But back to the issue was that My babysitter and her older sister were very much into satanic occult. You know i tried thinking oh perhaps it was wiccan or some pagan thing…. Nope.. it was in fact very much Satanic.

Her and her sister many times used to force me to watch faces of death while masturbating myself, they were kneeling in front of me and i only realized this now was to drink my sperm. I remember seeing black candles, a what might be a goats skull, a pentagram drawn on the flow and all the crosses in the house were turned upside down.

This happened several times over the course of a few years, other times they had coaxed my neighbor friend and sister S and R to perform sexual acts on each other.

I was too scared to mention any of this to my parents, being as how strict and religious my father was i was afraid i would get beat for having been apart of this cult ritual.

I found out later that Satanic Ritual Abuse or SRA (while uncommon) was in fact a real thing and a problem in this country. especially in the 80’s, many cases seem to come up as fake and many times it is dismissed as non conclusive. Regardless if it was a thing or not, it did happen to me and it did cause a lot of psychological damage.

I managed to get away from it but i took something with me…